T-shirt #127: REHAB is for quitters

I know like this shirt, I usually joke about my drinking. 15 years ago, on one of the darkest nights of my life, I drank for the last time. I had only been drinking for a little over two years, but I finally figured out that me and alcohol didn’t mix.

I drank for the first time at the beginning of my second semester during my freshman year of college. I (and my group of friends) never drank in high school, but I quickly saw that the social scene at BC revolved around the Mighty Keg. And although I thought drunk people were idiots and Coke Classic would always taste better than beer, I figured I would try it once just to see what all the fuss was about.

My friends and I found an off campus party, paid a few bucks each at the door, and found our way to the keg. After about four beers, I fell in love. The buzzing feeling reminded me of the Benadryl I had gotten in my IV just months before while getting platelet transfusions after my chemo, but I liked it even more. Then, as I sat on a couch and attempted to finish my sixth beer, I threw up on myself. A friend of one of my friends looked over and said to my friend Tim, “I think you friend spilled his beer.” Tim looked over and replied, “I think he spilled his lunch.” I remember apologizing to the guy whose apartment it was telling him it was my “first time”, and he seemed more amused than upset. My other friends Patrick and Chris “escorted” me out of the place and helped me get onto the BC shuttle bus. I recall Patrick giving me a Tic-Tac as we walked down the hill on Comm Ave. As I lay my fuzzy head down to rest that night, I had no idea it was the beginning of my nasty relationship with drinking. My drinking continued just about every weekend for the remainder of my freshman year, and my friends continued to make sure I got home okay.

It wasn’t until my sophomore year that I added vodka to my drinks of choice, a decision that would increase the number of “drinking incidents” I had. I began my own pre-party ritual that assured I would be drunk even before I got to the keg. I would do about six shots of vodka, and chase them with a bottle of Very Fine fruit punch. After the bottle of fruit punch was about half empty I would fill the other half with vodka, shake it up, and guzzle it. It was only then that I felt I was ready to party (see also “Don’t Know How To Party” by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones).

As my sophomore year continued, so did the signs scream that I had a drinking problem. There were fights (well, some dude kicking my face in when I was on the ground), mystery morning bruises, drunken poetry recited to many BC females, ER visits, stitches, a window sill decorated with empty vodka bottles, and ultimately rehab at McLean Hospital. One night (I don’t recall very much), it took about six BC police officers to get me onto the ambulance. As fate would have it, my friend Drew was one of the EMTs in the ambulance that picked me up. Drew told me he was in the back of the ambulance trying to calm me down as we made our way to the hospital. What it turned out to be was an expletive-filled shouting match that made it very difficult for Drew to relay the status of the situation to the hospital over the radio. The best line of the night came from the other EMT who was driving the ambulance:

EMT: Everything okay, back there?

Drew: Yeah, he’s my friend.

EMT: Well, your friend’s an asshole.

He couldn’t have been more right.

As I mentioned before, I also ended up in rehab during my sophomore year. I was surrounded by people that had serious mental health and substance abuse problems, so it was easy for me to rationalize that I didn’t have problems like them. I remember telling my story about beating cancer and how I started drinking to one of the doctors there. He told me, “Yeah, that’s definitely a recipe to get yourself here.” I said what I needed to say (and the insurance coverage ran out), so I was quickly back at school. This time, my family was made aware of my drinking. They came to visit me, and gave me nothing but love and support. They never raised their voices, lectured, or made me feel bad about being there. All they wanted to know was if there was anything they could do to help. I seriously hit the lottery when it comes to family and friends. Unfortunately, I was still not ready to stop.

Going into my junior year of college, I told myself I was going to “take it easy” with my drinking. So I kept drinking every weekend, but it was “just beer”. I didn’t have any ER visits or fights, and actually had dates here and there. At a legendary (3 floors, multiple kegs) Halloween party at my friend Patrick’s (I went in character as Mickey Knox from Natural Born Killers), I publicly admitted my love to the smart, beautiful, blonde, blue-eyed, Irish girl I had come to know in a few of my psychology classes. I kept on acting like an idiot, but I kept the police out of it.

Then, a friend of mine from high school (who had been diagnosed with leukemia the year before) lost his battle with cancer. He was just days away from being released form the hospital after getting a bone marrow transplant, and he caught something he had no energy left to fight. I was devastated, and so started the questions of asking why I was the one that was still here…

My 21^st birthday party featured kegs of Molson Ice and an ice luge shaped like a shamrock. If you’re not familiar with ice luges, they are blocks of ice with grooves carved in them that are laid down on a table at an angle. The point is to pour hard liquor down these grooves to a waiting (and numb) mouth at the other end. The last thing I remember from my birthday was pouring some lethal concoction down the luge, then stopping and finishing the whole pitcher myself. I also went to the Bruins with my Dad the next day and flipped of Mark Messier (see story #2 here: http://davestshirts.blogspot.com/2010/01/intro-and-t-shirt-1.html)

Although I was staying out of “trouble” like I ran into my sophomore year, I still was acting like a jerk when I drank. I said mean things to the people I care about the most, vented about life not being fair, and continued acting like a typical “mean drunk”. One thing was for sure, drinking did not make me happier. It did not make me feel better about my friend passing away, it made my family and friends worry, and it made me care less and less about things that had been the most important to me. It really just made me say “F- everyone, I’m going to do what I want…”

Then on May 7^th, in the middle of finals, I set out to drink everything that was in my apartment. I remember being almost finished drinking a case of beer. I don’t remember drinking champagne and wine, but I guess I just didn’t care about anything anymore. I also emptied my roommate’s bottle of pills (Tylenol?), a sure sign I was simply sick of living. Again, my friend Drew brought me to the hospital. When I was medically cleared, I was taken to McLean’s again. This time, it was different…

While I was there, a thirteen-year-old friend I had met in the hospital passed away from cancer. When things took a turn for the worse, he asked his mother if she would call me to see if I could see him for what would most likely be our goodbye. I couldn’t see him because I was getting my stomach pumped of alcohol and pills. Although I’m not sure if I will ever get over this, I know he’s looking out for me. Again, my family was by my side through this all. This time, I was ready to tell them I wanted to stop.

What ultimately shoved me into a different mode of thinking about my drinking was something that one of the other “guests” of McLean’s said….it was something like “Hi, I’m Steve, and this is my 8^th time in rehab”. I said to myself “I never ever EVER want to say that.” And I knew there was only one way that would happen: never drinking again. Just like I knew I was going to beat cancer, I knew when I said it and believed it I would neve drink again. The staff at McLean’s insisted that if I returned to BC for my senior year, I would start to drink again. They were wrong. I cannot thank my family and friends enough for sticking by me during my time with alcohol. The love and support you have shown and continue to show me assure it will be difficult for me to ever be jealous of another person. Thank you! And go B’s in OT!

T-shirt #126: I LOVE NURSES

It’s true, and it all started when I was 14. The hormones in my body has just started to go into full-drive, and I was in the hospital with Crohn’s Disease right before Christmas. My family was there for me, as they had and would continue to be through all of my life struggles. But, the nurses on the pediatric floor were also there for me. A lot of them were beautiful, and they took care of me. I had also just gotten out of major surgery (they removed a foot and a half of my intestines), so I was also on some pretty heavy pain killers…I’m just saying that might have also been a factor in my teenaged crush on my caregivers.

Another and even more important factor in my feelings towards nurses was having the privilege of growing up living across the street from two of the most loving and caring people I have ever known. One of them was a nurse at UMass in Worcester, and her husband was a doctor at UMass (“Dr. Bob”, who also was the reason why the emergency surgery that led to my Crohn’s diagnosis happened in the first place). “JT’s”presence in the hospital was the biggest factor in my appreciation of nurses and being able to feel comfortable in a hospital setting (which is a huge factor, I think, in why I haven’t feared any diagnosis or medical problem that has been thrown my way…see binder in picture). I saw all of the hard work nurses did (and no disrespect to doctors, but in my experience I see nurses spend much more time with patients and get to know patients better than doctors) and how much their care and attitude play a role in a patient getting better. So thank you for being my favorite nurse, JT, you are the best nurse and neighbor I guy could ask for…love you!

Three years after my Crohn’s diagnosis, I was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor. Again, my family was there for me. Again, but with the raging hormones of an 18 year-old, many attractive nurses were there for me. Again, JT and Dr. Bob were there for me. Again, I witnessed all the hard and caring work nurses put in day and night after day and night. Even more so than the with my Crohn’s, all of these nurses caretakers helped save my life. You can’t really thank people when they do something like that, but I suppose writing about it is a good start, right?

I also have to mention one of my best friends (and one of 3 males in the Nursing program when we were at BC) Drew. Drew was there for me as a friend and a nurse through my “drinking days” He took me to the hospital, stitched me up, and simply took care of me when I was at my worst. I couldn’t have gotten through it without you, buddy…thanks.

Finally, two years ago, I had to be hospitalized for my Crohn’s again. It had been almost 20 years since my initial diagnosis so as far as Crohn’s, that’s not too bad. Enter family, nurses, and JT again (Dr. Bob had since passed away, although I know he was there for me too). I was roomed with a guy my age who had never been overnight in a hospital his whole life. After quickly sharing my medical stories, he felt much better. But (and I don’t know who makes this call), he was also having intestinal issues. Two guys with digestion/bathroom issues in the same room??? Anyway, one morning I woke up to the face of a beautiful nurse. She told me her name, and said she was a student nurse and would be working with my nurse. Luckily, I think she didn’t realize my sense of humor or appreciation of nurses, but I blurted out: “Oh, I get to have two nurses at the same time?”

I am happy to say that it has been over two years that I have had to be in the hospital. I am also very glad to say Happy Nurse Day/Week to JT, all of the nurses that have helped me, and all the nurses that put their hearts into a very difficult job. I know there are times at your job when you might not feel appreciated (by other staff, patients, or both), but know I will always appreciate you….I LOVE NURSES! PS- does anyone know a single nurse who likes to watch hockey?

T-shirt #125: i've got a black belt in CRAZY!!

I thought this one would be a hit with my special ed students…it was. I believe this is one of the many Target-less-than-$10 specials in the Dave Line of T-shirts (Maybe Target can help me get to 365?).

This shirt made me think of Scientology, and how they believe mental illness isn’t “real” (see: http://www.mentalhealthmattersnow.com/WHAT_IS_SCIENTOLOGY.html ). I would argue that this notion is crazier than any person with mental issues I have worked with. I would like to see what Tom Cruise would think/say if he visited a program at Westboro State Hospital and saw the differences between a person on and off medication or a person with mental illness before and after they have been in therapy. Are these people just “faking it”, Tom?

We had a homeless and mentally ill guest at Hope Lodge once (he has since passed away). Many of the people here were uncomfortable around him, but I (I’m guessing due to my experience) never had any issues with him. He talked to himself a lot, and anytime he did, I would just start talking to him and he’d stop. I will never forget watching a Bruins game with him when the question I emailed into NESN was answered on the air (I know, “I have a black belt in DORKY!!” should be my shirt). He thought it was so cool that my name and question was on TV.

I guess my point here that even though this shirt is funny, mental illness is real. And, people with mental illness are still people…just like a person with Crohn’s (you may know one) might have trouble digesting something, a person with mental issues has difficulty digesting thoughts (usually do to things someone ELSE did/said to them). What I do know for sure is this. No matter how “crazy” or “sick” someone is, the more love and support they have, the better their chances are for recovery. Telling them their illness is "fake" doesn't help a thing. That, and go Bruins!!!!!

T-shirt #124: KODAK FIRE DEPARTMENT

This shirt was a birthday present from one of the Hope Lodge guests. I wore it tonight because we had a 25^th Anniversary event, it matched the Hope Lodge 3-button collared shirt I had to wear, and I thought it would be a nice tribute to the awesome guest who gave it to me.

“Greg” first came to Hope Lodge in the winter of 2007-2008. We quickly became close due to our mutual love of hockey, and went to and/or watched games whenever he was staying here. Luckily like me, he didn’t care who was playing, he just loved the game. And also like me, he often knew when the ref was wrong. More than anything he had a great sense of humor, and we made each other laugh quite a bit.

When he gave me this shirt, he explained to me that the Kodak Fire Department is all volunteers. During one of his stays at Hope Lodge, members of this fire department came to visit and cooked everyone a spaghetti and meatball dinner. I’ve never seen a group of tough guys I would never f- with cook such a delicious meal.

Greg comes to visit from time to time and I get to see him at our annual Relay for Life. One of the best things I do every year is walk the survivors lap with Hope Lodge guests past and present. Looking forward to doing that this year, which is on June 18^th and 19th at Burncoat in Worcester, in case you were wondering (http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?fr_id=23379&pg=entry).

T-shirt #123: STRYPER

I wear this shirt tonight for a little black and gold representation (Bruins are on later)…I bought this shirt specifically for one of my older brothers Christmas Eve Eve (yes, this is what we called December 23^rd in my family, or simply just “Eve Eve”) parties. I will write in more detail about them later, but they involve watching various Christmas cartoons with loved ones and laughing a lot (there will be a MAD LIB story written about, I assure you). I wore it to one of these gatherings because when we were growing up, my younger brother and I would put on these lip-synch rock shows on “Eve Eve” (for an audience of our sisters and sometimes cousins) and sometimes we would perform a Stryper song.

If you don’t know, Stryper (http://www.stryper.com/Band/thestryperstory.htm) was one of countless “hair bands” from the 80s. What made them different was they sang about God and Jesus. They sang songs with a positive message and they threw Bibles to the audience. The pick I got (pictured) was from a show at The Centrum in the fall of 1988. Although most of their songs were religious, I never felt like they were shoving “Jesus is the only way” down my throat. Besides, for every “Jesus” message I was getting from Stryper, I was getting a “Do drugs and hang out with strippers” message from Motley Crue. It all evens out in the end…

I liked having Stryper as my ace in the hole for every naysayer of hard rock/heavy metal. Anytime someone would say “that music is evil” or “they are Satanists”, I would tell them about Stryper. Sometimes, I did wonder how “Christian” they were. I know they lived like rock stars. I’m not sure about the drugs and women part of that lifestyle, but I know they all had really nice homes and really nice cars. I wondered what Jesus would think of his message being turned into wealth. Then I think I just said to myself something like “they must do a lot of charity with that money too”…just being hopeful, I guess.

I do know there are people who take Jesus’s message and twist and turn it into something far worse than Stryper. I’m betting that Jesus is not a fan of what The Westboro (not Massachusetts, thank God!) Baptist Church stands for (www.godhatesfags.com). I’m betting Jesus doesn’t like anyone associating his name with the hating or cutting off of anyone. I wouldn’t even call myself a Christian (I was raised Catholic, but only go to church for holidays and family things), but I find it amazing that over 2000 years later people are talking about a carpenter. I find it sad when anyone takes their religion and uses it as an excuse to cause harm to anyone.

Just about every major religion has a form of the Golden Rule, “Treat others the way you would like them to treat you”…(see: http://www.teachingvalues.com/goldenrule.html ). And honestly, if your religion contains this message in some way, I think you can say whatever you want about God. You can call God whatever you want, say whatever person was God in the flesh, and celebrate that God in anyway you want to (which can’t involve harming anyone, because, hey, Golden Rule). What you can’t do is hate people for what their religion is, kill people in the name of your religion, and try to tell people your religion is the only way. What do you think God wants more, for people to believe the “right religion”, or for people to treat each other well? And while we’re on it, atheists, as long as you can follow the Golden Rule, you can continue believing there is no God. If everyone could believe in just treating everyone well, we’d all be good. Ok, more on this later, time to just breathe…

T-shirt #122: TITANIC Swim Club

This one is another from my awesome boss…for some reason, she thought it matched my sense of humor. Did you know that The Opening of Fenway Park didn’t make the headlines in Boston newspapers because it happened the same week as The Titanic sinking? That’s all I got tonight…tired from my trip home for Portland…hope the shirt made you laugh!

T-shirt #121: BOSTON (Red Sox away)

This shirt was part of a yearly tradition of getting a new Red Sox shirt at the start of every season…I think I got this one at Bob’s. I wear it today because it is the last day of my first visit to Portland, the end of an awesome and fun-filled week. What you might not know is that Portland was a coin flip away from being called Boston: When it came time to name their new town, Pettygrove and Lovejoy (the founders) each wanted to name it after his home town. They settled the argument with a coin toss. Pettygrove won, and named it after Portland, Maine; had Lovejoy won, he intended to name it after Boston, Massachusetts (from http://www.portland.com ).

Here are some of the highlights of my trip (other than hanging out with great friends I haven’t seen in months!):

1. Voodoo Doughnut (http://voodoodoughnut.com/) - I had a chocolate frosted chocolate doughnut with Cocoa Puffs on top
2. Slappy Cakes (http://slappycakes.com/) - Glen and I made our own pancakes (the grill is part of the table) with regular and peanut butter batter and chocolate chips, white chocolate chips, bananas, and apples
3. Powell’s Used Books (http://www.powells.com/) - 3 floors of a city-block big bookstore, I got a book of 3 Edward Burns screenplays for less than $5
4. Simpsons Landmarks (http://www.tvsquad.com/2006/10/08/portland-or-home-to-the-simpsons/ ) – I took pictures of all the streets that named characters, went to the original Evergreen Terrace (where Matt Groening grew up), and unsuccessfully tried to find the Bart Simpson in the cement near the high school Matt Groening went to
5. Byways Café (http://www.bywayscafe.com/) - A place that reminded me of Harry’s in Westboro, although the latest it’s open is 3PM
6. The Rose Garden (http://www.rosegardenstore.org/) - although not many roses were in bloom, it was still a pretty sweet place to walk around. Also, I had my first frozen banana…very good
7. Last Thursday (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alberta_Street,_Portland,_Oregon ) – a fun street fair that happens (you guessed it) the last Thursday of every month, fun to check out all the vendors, the interesting mix of people, and bicycle jousters (yup)
8. Opening day of Wiffle Ball 2010 – The rain was minimal, the results might have been different if we had the “official” umpire chair, but the category was fun
9. Road Trip to Seattle – Glen and I checked out a few rock landmarks (Jimi Hendrix’s grave, the venue of Pearl Jam’s first show, The Moore (where Pearl Jam’s Even Flow video was taped), the house Kurt Cobain ended his life, and the (although disappointing) Sound Garden sculpture that the band got their name from. We also got to have dinner with our friend Mike (another person from The ‘Boro), his wife, and daughter (who loves me for some reason!)
10. Bruins game 1 Brunch – this morning, The Bruins played game 1 in their 2^nd round match-up with The Flyers. It started at 9:30 AM here, so we had brunch while watching the nail-biter that ended with Savard’s first game back OT winner…great stuff.

So, my week in Portland is coming to an end. It was a great time and reminded me how lucky I am to have such wonderful friends. I look forward to my next visit…which if The Bruins start losing, may be soon!