T-shirt #120: END GLOBAL APARTHEID

I got this shirt when I went to an anti-war rally in Washington, DC in the fall of 2005. For more information about the shirt and the organization behind it, you can go here: http://www.africaaction.org/global-apartheid.html . It comes down to one of my basic frustrations with the world today: There is more than enough “stuff” for everyone in the world to have healthy drinking water, food, and shelter, but sadly that’s not how it is.

Today, Glen and I are making a less politically based day trip to Seattle. Our mission is twofold: One, we are stopping at some of the musical landmarks associated with our heroes Jimi Hendrix and Pearl Jam (http://www.fivehorizons.com/feature/seattle/index.shtml - scroll down to Sights). We are also going to visit with our good friend Mike (another ‘Boro native) and his family. An early 7:00 AM start, but it will be well worth it! And we are having “Brunch with The Bruins” for their 9:30 AM game tomorrow…woo hoo! Have a great weekend!

T-shirt #119: dork

Yes, if the shirt fits… Guilty as charged by this shirt (which was another one from a birthday exchange of t-shirts with my friend Andy). I know it, my close friends and family know it, and there is nothing anyone can really do about it. And yes, Star Wars has a lot to do with it. I have heard some people use the term Star Wars Geek, but I always argue that although someone could be classified as such, I am not one of them. Dork, yes (for instance, today I went to see the original Evergreen Terrace that Simpsons creator Matt Groening grew up on). Geek, no. For the record and using my own and dictionary.com’s definitions, I will try and distinguish between geek, dork, and nerd (Yes, a blog that will teach you something!)

Here are what dictionary.com came up with:

geek  Slang.

–noun

1.a computer expert or enthusiast (a term of pride as self-reference, but often considered offensive when used by outsiders.)

2.a peculiar or otherwise dislikable person, esp. one who is perceived to be overly intellectual.

3.a carnival performer who performs sensationally morbid or disgusting acts, as biting off the head of a live chicken.

Word Origin & History

geek

"sideshow freak," 1916, U.S. carnival and circus slang, perhaps a variant of geck "a fool, dupe, simpleton" (1515), apparently from Low Ger. geck, from an imitative verb found in North Sea Gmc. and Scand. meaning "to croak, cackle," and also "to mock, cheat." The modern form and the popular use with ref. to circus sideshow "wild men" is from 1946, in William Lindsay Gresham's novel "Nightmare Alley" (made into a film in 1947 starring Tyrone Power).

Nerd

–noun Slang.

1.a stupid, irritating, ineffectual, or unattractive person.

2.an intelligent but single-minded person obsessed with a nonsocial hobby or pursuit: a computer nerd.

Word Origin & History

nerd

1951, U.S. student slang, probably an alteration of 1940s slang nert "stupid or crazy person," itself an alteration of nut. The word turns up in a Dr. Seuss book from 1950 ("If I Ran the Zoo"), which may have contributed to its rise. Adjective nerdy is from 1978.

dork   

–nounSlang.

1.a stupid or ridiculous person; jerk; nerd.

2.Vulgar. penis.

Word Origin & History

dork

"stupid person," 1967, originally U.S. student slang, probably from earlier meaning "penis" (1964), itself probably an alteration of dick. Related: Dorky.

So, looking at the definitions, I am definitely not a geek. I am not a computer enthusiast, I think I am likeable, and I never have been in the carnival or circus. And taking a look at the second entry under nerd, I can see how someone might say Star Wars Nerd might apply to me. Even though I just sold most of my collection on Ebay, I always say you can take the Star Wars stuff out of the boys room, but you can never take Star Wars out of the boy. However, I would still say I am far from being a Star Wars Nerd. Nerds cannot play hockey, baseball, and guitar…I can. Which leaves us with dork. I don’t think I’m stupid or a jerk, I can be ridiculous, and nerd I just threw out. Yes, many of my friends have laughingly called me a “dick” in response to some inappropriate insult I heaved upon them. I also once had the biological proof that I was a “dickhead” (see: http://davestshirts.blogspot.com/2010/01/shirt-4-rangers-suck.html).

So, I would submit my own third entry for dork:

3. A loveable, smart-assed person who can excel in “non-nerdy” things like sports, but who also has a passion for “more-geeky” things like Star Wars and/or animated series.

Yours dorkingly,

Dave

T-shirt #118: Simpsons (Ralph eating paste)

This shirt was a favorite of my special education students. Even though he is a secondary Simpsons character, Ralph Wiggum has said some of my favorite lines from the show. My all-time favorite has to be his “Me fail English? That’s unpossible.” See here:

Speaking of the Simpsons, I have been in Portland, Oregon this week. Matt Groening grew up here, and there are references all over the place:

• The Simpsons live on Evergreen Terrace, the same street on which Groening grew up (I will be going here with my friend Glen sometime this week!)

• Sideshow Bob Terwilliger shares a name with Terwilliger Boulevard in SW Portland (Groening denies this)

• The former Trojan Nuclear Plant, north of Portland, supposedly inspired Homer's job

• Ned Flanders was named after Flanders Street, Mayor Quimby was named after Quimby street

• Bart & Lisa's elementary school resembles Groening's childhood school, Ainsworth elementary

• Reverend Lovejoy was named after Lovejoy Street

So, I am surrounded by The Simpsons and tonight I will be rooting for The Canadiens…wow!

T-shirt #117: FUNYUNS

Sometimes, I like to make shirts I think no one else will have…one scan and an iron-on later, I had this Funyuns shirt. This shirt reminds me of two things. One, it reminds me of a story from The Onion: http://www.theonion.com/articles/funyuns-still-outselling-responsibilityuns,383/ .

It also reminds me of the Summer of 1994 when I was a counselor at Med-O-Lark camp in Washington, ME (http://www.medolark.com/). Because I put myself on a special diet that summer, my “dinner” on nights I could leave camp most often consisted of Funyuns and Mello Yello (A great combination for my Crohn’s).

But, my junk food diet was the least of my worries that summer. My time at Med-O-Lark happened in the middle of my two year relationship with alcohol, which usually made might nights off an adventure…

One night in particular (which I blacked out and was told about later), I found myself facedown on the floor holding an empty pitcher. Instead of trying to get up, I smashed the pitcher on the floor. The owner of the bar saw it and casually said, “I think he’s had enough.” There were nights I don’t remember, nights I crawled into my bed less than an hour before wake up call, and nights people had to talk me out of trying to befriend the group of skunks that lived at camp.

Luckily, I met a lot of great counselors and campers amidst my struggle with drinking. I gave them a lot of reasons to say “f- that drunk a-hole”, but most of them (Gary in particular) took care of me and made sure I got back to camp safely. Most of them had hearts big enough to see past the surface of my behavior and into the person I wanted to be. In case I have never said it to this group of people before, I want to tell you all that I’m sorry if my drinking caused you any grief and thank you for every time you put up with me during this hard part of my life.

I also don’t want to paint the picture of this summer being an all-out binge-fest whenever the counselors were out. We did know how to party (although true to the Bosstones song, I didn’t), but we also had fun times working at camp and outside of camp at non-bar locations. We came up with hilarious skits to introduce the campers to different events, we had awesome talent shows (one of the first places I recited my poetry in public), we (well, Gary, Sara, and I) quoted Fletch whenever passing each other (For God, don-don!), and we laughed a lot . We went to Portland, hung out at Crystal Lake (Luckily, a Jasonless one), and camped out in Acadia.

One of the most hilarious things ever happened after all the campers had left, and the counselors had a few days to close the camp up for the winter. Clearly the stress of trying to get everything done in time had taken over, and a group of counselors and I decided we should start a softball game…using all of the fruit that had gone bad. If you’ve never seen a bad apple smashed by an aluminum bat, I highly recommend trying it at least once.

Although one of my “drinking days regrets” is knowing I would have had a better time this summer without drinking, I know I just wasn’t ready to quit back then. Today, I am glad to say I have reconnected with a lot of these Med-O-Lark people on Facebook and that coming up this May it will be 15 years since I have had a drink. Now, I’m off to find Funyuns and Mello Yello…

T-shirt #116: I'm a FUN GUY (Mushroom)

This was the shirt of Team Fungi (my friend Glen and I) for the 2009 annual Wiffle Fest in Burlington, Vermont. See here:

Glen will not be able to attend Wiffle Fest this year, so I wanted to wear it while I was visiting him in Portland. Although our wiffle ball team did not win a single game, this is one of my favorites and usually gets either an immediate laugh or a questioning look followed by a laugh. Some dude (who I’m guessing was under the influence of something) at the Wiffle Fest last year saw it and asked me “Are you tripping right now?” I laughed and assured him I wasn’t, although I told him my team was playing like we were. I will be wearing it out to “trivia night” (apparently I’m a ringer for the team), so we’ll see what the people of Portland think about it. GO B’s!!!!

T-shirt #115: Focusin, Heavens to Murgatroid

My second Focusin shirt (see first one here: http://davestshirts.blogspot.com/2010/02/t-shirt-59-focusin.html ), this one was home made for their CD release show (which coincidentally happened on my birthday 5 years ago). I wear it today because soon I will be on my way out to Portland, Oregon to visit my friend Glen and his wife Krissy.

What else can I say about Focusin? You can check out their music here: http://www.myspace.com/focusin , and let me know if you like it, because I’m sure there are a few Heavens to Murgatroid CDs lying around.

One Focusin story happened when I was teaching at a residential special ed school in the fall of 2005. Glen and Mark (the singer of the band) came to play a show for the students, teachers, and staff of the program. Because many of them had been in residential settings (or a horrific home environment), it was the first “concert” they had ever witnessed. They rocked the place, signed autographs for the students, and gave them each their own copy of Focusin’s CD. It always amazes me how much a simple thing like playing a few songs can make such a troubled group feel great and even normal if only for an hour or so.

I can’t wait to see Glen at the airport in Portland, I haven’t seen him in almost 4 months. I also can’t wait to see him laugh when he sees me wearing this shirt. Looking forward to a “few” wiffle ball games this week too…

T-shirt #114: JEDI TRAINING ACADEMY

I wear this shirt in honor of my older brother Jon. Tonight, we are having a surprise (although as goes with most of these, there is the question of how much a surprise it will be) birthday party for his 40^th. Wow. I remember my father’s 40^th birthday party…my brother can’t be THAT old, can he? But, he is. And, like our father, Jon has become an awesome, loving, caring, and selfless one to his own children (who picked out this t-shirt for me). In these 10+ years of fatherhood, Jon has never stopped being the best older brother a guy could ask for. He has been teaching me things (by example, advice, and more recently his writing) since I have been alive, and I know he will continue to.

One of the best lessons Jon taught me (which he might not even realize) was how to be better at laughing at myself. There were times when I would get frustrated and be ready to “spaz out”, and he would make a joke of it: “Okay, go ahead, start yelling and throw something like you usually do and see if that makes it better.” He made me realize that getting so upset over certain things just wasn’t worth it. One time, we were on one of our “adventures” at the Bowman Street Conservation Area (a.k.a. The “Nature Trail”). And adventure was when my brothers and I would walk on the frozen stream with sticks checking out which areas were safe, and usually ended up with us jumping from one ice chunk to another (the point being to stay out of the chilly water underneath). One time we had been there all of about 22 seconds, and I slipped and fell on my butt. I fell on a weak spot, crashed through the ice, and my head was the only part of me spared from the 32.1 degree water. Jon started laughing so hard that I couldn’t get mad or upset, I had to laugh too.

It is good to know that since becoming a father, Jon’s sense of humor has not changed. In the beginning stages of putting some sort of Jon’s Turning 40 project to be named later together, I asked his beloved kids to share some of their favorite “Daddy Stories” with me. Not surprisingly, 2 of them involved farting. The other one involved when Jon and Jen woke the kids up to surprise them with a trip to Disney World. Yes, farts and surprises…they never get old. One time when I was visiting the kids, I was on the floor putting together a Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots that I had just bought. In the middle of my snapping plastic parts together, Colleen (without speaking a word) walked right over to me, put her butt near my face, and farted. In the midst of my painful laughter, I asked why she did it. “I thought the boys would think it was funny” was her reply. When Jon got home and I told him, he laughed and said, “Well, she knows the classics…”

Speaking of classic McGrath Farts, before Jon and Jen got married, he shared with her (for reasons unknown, I’ll have to ask Jon tonight) what he thought were the three most memorable farts in the story of “Growing Up McGrath”. Now, if you think that’s ridiculous enough, what followed is even more so. After he told her his “Top 3”, he asked me what I thought my “Top 3” would be. In a matter of seconds, I had rattled of the same farts. I then asked my younger brother Tom what he thought were the three most memorable…and he also picked the same ones without much thought. Weird? Maybe. But they made us laugh our asses of then, and they still do now. So thank you to my brother Jon for being such a great big brother and teaching me about family, sports, music, movies, writing, life, and the value of laughter.

You may argue that science should have invented a real lightsaber by now (http://www.wickedlocal.com/westborough/news/opinions/x749215000/McGrath-Wheres-my-lightsaber), but you have taught me the ways of The Force more than any Star Wars movie ever will. You make me proud to tell people that not only are you my older brother, but you are one of my closest friends. Here’s to many more years of laughter, and may farts never cease to be funny…

T-shirt #113: COBRA

Yes, I’m still having difficulty letting go of my childhood. If you don’t know what this Cobra symbol stands for, you never got a chance to enjoy the best back-to-back hour of cartoons ever (and no, it doesn’t mean I support terrorism). It really didn’t get better than G.I. Joe followed by Transformers…and knowing this was half the battle. Cobra were the “bad guys” who were determined to take over the world, even if it meant not killing ANYONE (if you’re not familiar with the cartoon, there were never any casualties!).

My brothers and I took care of this lack of bloodshed in what we called “having a battle”. We would put every toy and action figure we had in the middle of the floor and start picking. Although these were mostly Star Wars, G.I. Joe, and Cobra things, there were also the random Transformer or He-Man figures. The G.I. Joe H.A.V.O.C. (Heavy Articulated Vehicle Ordinance Carrier, see picture I found on google) was usually one of the first to go because it had the most missiles. After separating all of the troops and vehicles, we then set up our side for a winner-take-all fight to the death. During a turn, you could either move something (vehicle or person) or shoot something. If you were shooting a rocket, you had to take it off the vehicle and throw it across the room towards what you wanted to blow up (one brother or our cousin Matt played the role of “judge” as to the fairness of the throw and how much damage it inflicted. This, of course, led to many arguments as to what was hit, and statements like “There’s NO WAY he survived that!”. Moves and gunfire were exchanged until there was only one victor left standing, and one brother left upset. Sure, we had cartoons and they even made a G.I. Joe live action movie (which actually wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!), but neither of them compared to the excitement of these battles…

And Bruins-Sabres game 5 tonight....GO B's!!!!!

T-shirt #112: Woodsy Owl, Give a Hoot Don't Pollute

Today is Earth Day, although let’s face it, everyday should be Earth Day. Having one day out of 365 to “take better care” of our planet is like cleaning your place one day out of the year (I’ve tried this and it gets pretty nasty after only a few weeks). The sad part to me is even when people try and do something that can drastically change the way we treat our environment, those who have the most money (and surprise, surprise, biggest stake in oil) blast it away like they had their own personal Death Star of Greed. One example of this that really demonstrates how rich, greedy people don’t want this to change is the documentary “Who Killed The Electric Car?” (http://www.whokilledtheelectriccar.com/). I think if enough people watched this movie and decided to not buy another car until electric ones (like the ones they talk about in the movie) were mass produced, the auto companies would change the kinds of cars they make. Is having a big-gas guzzling car that important to people?

If you want more information about what is happening to our environment and oil dependence, you can go here:

http://www.environmentamerica.org/new-energy-future/reduce-our-oil-dependence

http://www.earthday.net/node/149

And here are the old Woodsy Owl PSA and The Family Guy spoof:

PS- Holy crap, what a Bruins game last night!

T-shirt #111: BRUINS (MICHAEL RYDER)

Similarities Between Me and Michael Ryder:

Me Michael

Birthday: March 31^st March 31^st

Ties to

Newfoundland: Ancestors from Born there

there, big fan of

Great Big Sea

Hockey: Love to Play Plays for Money

(only $4 Million More)

Position: Winger (Left) winger (Right)

Favorite team: Bruins Bruins (I hope)

Game 4 tonight, go B’s!!!!!

T-shirt #110: TRAILER PARK COWS

To continue the theme of maybe being born in the wrong country, this shirt (a gift from my awesome parents) combines two of my favorite Canadian things: Cows ice cream and The Trailer Park Boys TV show.

Cows (http://www.cows.ca/) is an ice cream chain that started in PEI (a.k.a. Prince Edward Island, The Island) in 1983. If you ever have visited PEI with The McGraths, it is a pretty good chance that you have been to one. There are ten Cows locations across Canada, and they sell shirts like this one that are spoofs of things in pop culture. Some others are Cowy Potter (my nephews’ favorites), Cow Wars, and Indiana Moo. The funniest thing to me about this Trailer Park Cows shirt is that they put marijuana leaves on the “Ricky Cow’s” shirt. Can you imagine Dairy Queen or Friendly’s selling a shirt with a drug reference on it?

Speaking of, I have mentioned it before (http://davestshirts.blogspot.com/2010/02/t-shirt-57-trailer-park-boys-parental.html ), but Trailer Park Boys is one of my favorite shows. I highly recommend checking them out here (http://www.trailerparkboys.com/ ) or putting them on your Netflix list. And even though I already put this in my previous TPB blog, I never get sick of watching these “Rickyisms”:

T-shirt #109: CANADA IS HOCKEY

My name is Dave and I love hockey.

Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong country.

If I could find the people, I would play hockey every day.

I will watch any hockey game that is on TV, no matter what the level. I remember a roommate walking in and asking me what the f- I was watching. It was a replay of a Waltham High hockey game.

I have 11 hockey jerseys: Boston College, Bruins, Bruins Winter Classic, Team USA, Team Canada, Team Ireland (yes, Ireland has a national hockey team, see here: http://www.iiha.org/ ), St. John’s Maple Leafs, Sunnyvale (Trailer Park Boys #420…my parents did not know the significance of the number when they bought this for me, thanks Mom and Dad!), University of Vermont, Charlestown Chiefs (Slapshot), Hope Lodge (one I made), (and yes, I will give away some of these, too!)

My friend Matt and I have a lifelong series going in the old USA-USSR (or sometimes it’s a USA-CANADA), bubble hockey. I think the series is tied at 52-52 (I have a much cheaper version of this game which is pictured with me).

Speaking of USA-Canada, I have noticed when The Bruins play Canadian teams (especially The Hated Habs), some fans bad mouth Canadians in general. There has been booing during the Canadian national anthem (which is better than the US one in my opinion), and just this year I saw a sign that said “I’d rather be a silver medalist than Canadian”. Freakin’ idiots! Not only are you insulting the country that gave us hockey, you are insulting over HALF of The Bruins!

Although I have shared this story before, it encapsulates my love of hockey…two years ago, I had to go back into the hospital for my Crohn’s Disease. I had a vicious stomach ache all day and then at night, I couldn’t stop throwing up. My awesome father drove into Worcester at about 3:30 in the morning and took me to the hospital. After being in the ER for a few hours and a few tests, the doctor came in and gave me the low down. He said that the place where I had my original surgery for Crohn’s (they took out a foot and a half of my intestines when I was 14) had either scarred up or my intestines had twisted over themselves and caused a “back up”…niiiice! He told me I definitely was going to be admitted. He explained there was a chance I would need more surgery, but more tests and time would give them the answer. After going over the possibilities, he asked me if I had any questions. My question: “Am I going to be able to watch The Bruins game tonight?”. He laughed and couldn’t believe that’s what I wanted to know. But it was. And I did watch the game…it was game 6 against the Canadiens in the 2008 playoffs…an instant classic.

Another medical-hockey story started when I got hit by a Ford Bronco junior year of college (see story here: http://davestshirts.blogspot.com/2010/02/t-shirt-56-national-sarcasm-society.html ) It was early November and I broke my clavicle. My brothers, friends, and I had started a tradition in high school of playing a street hockey game the Friday after Thanksgiving, and about a week before this game I had a clavicle check up with my doctor. I asked him if he thought I would be able to play in the game and he said something to the effect of “Absolutely not”. I then suggested that I could only play goalie, and he said “No way”. I pleaded with him that I would put a bunch of padding over my clavicle… “Nope”. So I had to re-question him with what I knew. I said, “Okay, I am playing a hockey game next week, what would you suggest I do to protect myself?” I don’t think he was amused.

One more thing about hockey: My awesome mother knows more about it than I ever will. And it is because of the superstitious way of viewing hockey (make popcorn after the 2nd period, if the Bruins score, the seat you were sitting in is yours the rest of the game, etc.) she passed along to me I will be going out to buy peanuts and M&Ms in between periods tonight. Holy shit, Wideman just tied the game!

Bruins-Sabres game 3 tonight…GO B’s!!!!!

T-shirt #108: FAMILY GUY STAR WARS

Two of my favorite things combined, this t-shirt came with the special edition of The Family Guy’s Episode IV spoof.

When I lived in Westboro (the haunted apartment on Ruggles Street), Family Guy made another comeback after it had been cancelled for the second time. I started watching the new ones with my neighbor every Sunday night, and it eventually grew into a weekly ritual and a group of almost ten people. Even though Monday mornings were right around the corner, it was a great way to end the weekend. In The Family Guy episode that I wrote, Peter ends up being invited to be a part of one of these viewing parties. The one bad thing about my job at Hope Lodge is that I work on Sunday nights, and this Family Guy tradition had to end when I started there.

Here is a clip I found someone made combining the video of the original Star Wars with the Family Guy dialogue. Enjoy, and may The Force be with you!

T-shirt #107: BRUINS HOCKEY

Bruins playoff hockey: Very exciting

Peanuts and M&Ms: Mixed to Assist Bruins in a Game 2 victory

Wideman: Still playing too much

Scoring the first goal: Huge

Watching the Bruins at my parents: Classic

My Mom wearing a Bruins Snuggie: priceless

Go B’s!!!!

T-shirt #106: INSOXICATED

Hi, my name is Dave and I have a Red Sox problem. This is one of my favorite Sox t-shirts, and will most likely be a keeper. A lot of people ask me where I got it, and here is the answer: http://www.drunkenbleachers.com/wicked_insoxicated.html . Going to Fenway for the first time this season tonight, hope the rain isn’t too bad. GO SOX!

T-shirt #105: Bush Sr. and W, DUMB and DUMBER

I have had this shirt since 2003 or 2004. Say what you want about Obama, health care, and socialism, you will NEVER convince me that “W” is not an idiot. I tried to wear it when I voted in the ’04 presidential election, but some nice old man at the school in Westboro said it was against the rules. I nicely asked him if he could show me where it said that and the poor guy took out this huge regulations book and was flipping through it, trying to show me the rule. It said something like “No campaign material within 100 feet of the polls”. As I left to get a sweatshirt out of my car, the police officer on duty at the school jokingly told me my shirt had him convinced. I also wore it when my friend Glen and I (see picture) went to an anti-war rally in DC back in Septemeber of 2005, and to the 2008 election polls. I wear it today because I am on my way to New York to see The Daily Show with three of my favorite people…woo hoo!

Here’s a poem I wrote about “W”:

Un-ode to W

Your association makes you

My least favorite letter by galaxies,

Your stubbornness puts you at the end,

And against the alphabet’s majority.

You cowardly veto any whiteout

That suggests you made a mistake,

While sending more brave consonants

To their undeserving ink-spilled grave.

You’re so pathetic, you rely on another character

To even say your name,

Double-U, what comes to mind

Is unintelligently unable to unify

For even one day.

Your mispronunciations and isms

Make me think English isn’t your first language,

Every sentence I find you in makes me want to push you off

Life’s paragraph ridge.

It’s tragic to think you represent me

When you send your stuttering phrases to the world,

My un-ode to you, W, and the stolen title you don’t deserve:

Weak, wrong, warmonger, wound, wasted,

Wrecked, writhe, why, when?

1/20/09,

And the whole planet is counting down…

T-shirt #104: volunteer

Sorry for the short blog today…this shirt was from a group that came and visited Hope Lodge back around Thanksgiving. They went to Hope Lodges all over the US with a bunch of free stuff and materials to decorate tiles that would become part of a bigger “Work of Hope”. I wore it today for two reasons. One, today is the day I volunteer at a residential schoolwith my writing and guitar groups. Also tonight, the Holy Cross students who volunteer at Hope Lodge every week are being presented an American Cancer Society volunteer award that they won! We are having a cookout, and I’m sure at some point Apples to Apples will be taken out. Let’s just hope it’s one of those lucky nights when the “Dave’s Ass” card one of my friends made is drawn…Oh yeah, if you have time, I highly recommend volunteering. To quote Ferris Bueller, “It is so choice”.

T-shirt #103: Wicked Pissah

Although I don’t think I have an accent, I do love this shirt…which was a gift from one of the Hope Lodge guests. Here is a nice list from the Facebook group “You Know You’re From Boston When…” (http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2204567195 )

The person driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you are cursing him for going too slow.

When ordering a tonic, you mean a Coke...not quinine water.

You actually enjoy driving around rotaries.

You almost feel disappointed when someone doesn't flip you the bird when you cut them off or steal their parking space.

You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester, Woburn, Billerica, Haverhill, Barre and Cotuit.

You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday in order to get beer.

You know that there are two Bulger brothers, and that they're both crooks.

You know what they sell at a packie.

You know at least one bar where you can get something to drink after last call.

You can actually find your way around Boston.

You get jimmies on your ice cream.

Evacuation Day is a recognized holiday.

You know what First Night is.

You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Whitey, Red, Bud or Seamus.

You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving and Independence Day.

You have never been to Cheers.

When the words 'WICKED' and 'GOOD' go together.

You knew that there was no chance in hell that the Pats would move to Hartford.

The curse of the Bambino is taught in public schools.

You own a "Yankees Suck" shirt or hat.

You think Doug Flutie is the greatest athlete ever.

You remember exactly where you were when the ball rolled through Buckner's legs.

You prayed for the Red Sox to win the World Series not this season, but in your lifetime...our prayes were answered! and theyll win again this season!

You know how to make a frappe.

You know what a hoodsie is.

You know that "Big Dig" is also a kind of ice cream you can get at Brigham's.

You actually know how to merge from 6 lanes of traffic down to one.

You never go to "Cape Cod", you go "down the Cape".

You think that Roger Clemens, Wade Boggs and Derek Jeter are more evil than Whitey Bulger.

You went to Old Sturbridge Village, Plymouth Plantation, or both, on field trip in grammar school.

You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day.

You know that the Mass Pike is some sort of strange weather dividing line.

You know that P-Town isn't the name of a new rap group.

You do not recognize the letter "R" as a part of the English language.

You've called something "wicked pissa"

You see people like Steven Tyler (Aerosmith), Dicky Barret (The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones), and Evan Dando (The Lemonheads) in the local supermarket and it doesn't phase you.

You've slammed on your brakes to deter a tailgater

Know at least three Tony's, one Vinnie and a Frank(ie)

Paranoia sets in if you can't see a Dunkies, ATM or CVS within eyeshot at all times.

You keep an ice scraper and can of de-icer on the floor of your car...year round

You order iced coffee in January

You know what candlepin bowling is

You drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in sales tax

You've pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left.

You've bragged about the money you've saved at The Christmas Tree Shop

You know what a "regular" coffee is

You get mad when people order Regular coffee with cream and sugar

You get mad when people order regular coffee, and then bitch about the fact that there's cream and sugar in it

You know there is a much bigger difference between Roxbury and West Roxbury than just direction.

You think of Philadelphia as the Midwest.

You think there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no R's).

You think three straight days of 80+ temperatures is a heatwave.

All your pets are named after Celtics or Bruins.

You refer to 6 inches of snow as a "dusting."

The weather changes from 70 and sunny to 20 and snowy in under an hour, and you hardly notice.

Just hearing the words "New York" puts you in an angry mood.

You don't think you have an attitude.

You always 'bang a left' as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it.

Everything in town is "a five minute walk."

When out of town, you think the natives of the area are all whacked.

You know what a rotary is.

You've driven around a rotary seventeen times for pure sport.

You still can't bear to watch highlights from game 6 of the 1986 World Series.

You believe using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.

You don't realize that you walk and talk twice as fast as everyone else.

You're anal, neurotic, pessimistic and stubborn.

You think if someone is nice to you, they must want something or are from out of town.

Your favorite adjective is "wicked."

You think 63 degree ocean water is warm.

T-shirt #102: STAR WARS, REVENGE OF THE SITH

My name is Dave and I’m a Star Wars dork. The funny thing is I have been trying to get rid of most of my Star Wars collection, but it has turned out to be more difficult than I thought. I have been trying to raise money to start a relay for life type event for Hope Lodge. The idea was that the person who started Relay for Life walked for all 24 hours, so I would ice skate for 24 straight hours. I thought I would set up a PayPal account to make it easier for my family and friends to help me get this event off the ground. I also put most of my Star Wars collection on Ebay to give me money for this event (I need $1800 to get the ice time). After I started raising money, a restriction was put on my PayPal account because I was (or so they thought) a “Charity”. They wanted documents, Id#s, etc. to prove that I was a charity…information that didn’t exist. I called them and explained that it was my personal account and I was raising money that would eventually go to where I work. My account limitations were lifted, and I continued raising money. After I had raised over $500, the limitations were put back on my account. I now have ebay winners wondering where their Star Wars stuff is, PayPal customer service people who say they can’t help me, and all I am trying to do is help Hope Lodge…ugh. Well, I just got off the phone with someone (after I had to raise my voice to get to be transferred to someone who could help) who said he will try to explain to the “powers that be” what my situation is and will try and get the limitations lifted. He said he’d call me back in 24 hours, so I guess we’ll see then…